I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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