Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
