i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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