Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
