Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
