so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
