You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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