we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
