dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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