I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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