...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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