I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
