So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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