dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
