Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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