I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
