how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
