Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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