I looked at my own cervix.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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