omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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