Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
