Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
