I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
