ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
