Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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