they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
