so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
