I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
