I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
