I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
