Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
