Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
someone owes me an orgasm
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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