Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
