No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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