my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
