My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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