i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
