theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning