So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
