my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
