Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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