If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
