I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
