Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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