why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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