nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
