It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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