I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
