please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
