Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
