I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
