So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..