How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
