My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...