Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
