his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont even know how to be here
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...