I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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