OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
