So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
