I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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