Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
