just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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