i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
