I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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