i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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