just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
