too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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