I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
