I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
40s are totally the cure
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
