Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
