Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
