omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
